Monday, November 28, 2016

Today's Gem of Grace in the Gray Areas

“Sometimes the days burst open like seedpods and we see thousands of futures, and it’s so much that our throats swell and we can’t do anything but turn away and try and forget that gleaming, all that possibility.  Who could live into such brightness?  Sometimes the days beat their wings slowly so we can take their measures, so we know how lucky we are that we are being given just one moment more.” 

                                       Melanie Gideon, 
                                       The Slippery Year:  A Meditation on Happily Ever After

Sunday, October 16, 2016

October Night

For tonight's full autumn moon:


Magic moon
swollen goddess of the sky
white warm
childish wishes
grownups gazing

Bathing in your light
I am brave
I am calm
I am the wild woman
of the night
Silver and ice
your beams souls entice
Magic moon.

                           Karen Kullgren

Friday, October 7, 2016

Today's Gem of Grace in the Gray Areas

“Great and miraculous things happen when people come together with an intention to create hope and opportunity.”


Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Goodbye to Summer

Hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend.  Me, despite the nice weather I hated it.  Labor Day means the end of my favorite time of year, summer.  So I look back fondly now over this summer as it slips away:

Weekend afternoons at the pool.  Sometimes by myself, walking back and forth and doing water exercises, starting up conversations with acquaintances I see only at the pool. Sometimes with friends, draped languidly over our foam noodles talking about somethings and nothings.  Sometimes with wonderful music playing in the background and the delicious smell of burgers coming from the clubhouse restaurant.

Visits from family.  My dad came in mid July from Ohio and during his time here my son also came home from the Foreign Service in Brussels for a few days—so wonderful to see them both. A flurry of lunches and dinners including with my son’s dad and his family. 

Saturdays with Mom. On not-too-hot summer days she lounges on her scooter outside her senior apartment building chatting with neighbors, then scoots out to greet me as my car pulls in to the parking lot.  We go upstairs for a good gab and a couple of games of Upwords followed by whatever she’s brought home for lunch from her favorite place, Fresh Market. 

The beach.  I finally made it to the beach this summer after not having gone for several years.  Wrightsville Beach, with my friends Judy and Dana.  A long schlep to southern North Carolina, but good conversation and some hilarious side trips along the way.  Beautiful sandy vista of their daughter and her two little girls sitting at water’s edge.  Frolicking in the hotel pool.  Gobbling up lobster nachos at poolside on a chaise lounge with towels laid over the little awning above, desperate to avoid the sun’s penetrating rays.

Goodbye to water and fun and hello to always-too-short autumn and introspection.   Goodbye to summer and hello to the inevitable slide into cool then cold days and darker early nights. See you next year, summer. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2016


You may already be familiar with this but if not, it’s a find for Kindle e-books and I love it!  BookBub sends book recommendations to your email inbox every day and all the books are free or just 99 cents or $1.99 instead of the usual $7.99 or more. You customize a list of book genres that are your favorites and you’ll get one recommendation in each category each day.  For example, I get women’s fiction, cozy mysteries, and memoirs.  See a book you like? Click and it sends you directly to the website where you order free or at the discounted price. (Set up One-Click buying at Amazon to make it a speedy experience.)

I’m getting so many books that I’ve disciplined myself now to order only the free books, not even buying the 99 cent ones. Of course BookBub wants you to become hooked on authors and order their other books at full price, and I suppose at some point I’ll break down and do that, but I have so many books backed up on my Kindle now I’ve got to read all those first. Some of the authors are well known in their genres; some are newbies and lesser-known authors. Of those I’ve ordered, a few e-books have been duds but most have been perfectly engaging and satisfying.  Go to and get started.  Tell me how you like it!

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

A Pain in the Neck

There’s nothing like a physical ailment to give you gratitude for the health you do have, and for the ailment’s receding.

I woke up one day about a month ago with a throbbing pain in my left arm and shoulder that soon was so severe I couldn’t find a comfortable position to sleep in. I tried bunching pillows around me and various levels of pillows below me to no avail; I resorted to sleeping in my recliner in the living room which was the only position that worked at all.  I started physical therapy and that was painful, too. An x-ray revealed degenerative disc disease in my neck and shoulder and minor bone spurs in my neck.

As the physical therapy progressed and the pain receded some, I still had a numbness and tingling in my left arm, which my doctor said was likely a pinched nerve in my neck.  She suggested I might want to get an MRI, which sent me into a panic until I ascertained my insurance would cover an open MRI for claustrophobics like myself.  She also said, though, that it might be another few weeks or even a couple of months before the problem resolved itself.  I made an open MRI appointment for a few weeks out, hoping I might not need it by then.  I just hope that by the time I go to the beach this summer my arm and shoulder won’t still hurt when I drive.

I’m not alone in my ailments by any means.  One friend has a bad knee that has sidelined her from much activity; she also just had a tooth extracted and is waiting for an implant. Another friend suffers from painful migraines. My stepmother has bad back problems and several surgeries behind her, leaving her on a walker and nearly unable to travel. My sister-in-law is getting ready for a knee replacement which will leave her unable to play volleyball, her passion, though she plans to referee instead.  Scarily, three friends are battling Parkinson’s disease.

We often take for granted these bodies we move around in every day.  As my arm pain has gradually gotten better, I’ve been grateful for the simplest of things, like the comfort of being able to get a good night’s sleep.  I’ll try and remember this as I did when I had my knees replaced, having gratitude for the privilege of walking without pain.  Thanks, my body, I know I give you a lot of grief but I do appreciate you.

So get out and walk and swing your arms and be happy your body is cooperating, because it’s not a given.  

Friday, May 13, 2016

Mothering Memories

A belated Happy Mother’s Day to all!  I don’t know about you, but Mother’s Day is always a day of reflection for me on some aspect of parenting.  This is the first Mother’s Day I didn’t get to spend with my son, I just realized, in 27 years.  Boo!

I got to thinking about the times I miss from when Sammy was little.  Random and sometimes surprising—like diaper changes.  I never minded those because they were an occasion for his little eyes to stare up at me directly and he always engaged, smiling or even giggling. It was pure “us” time. So was singing to him, medleys of songs my mom and my nana sang to me, from “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” to “Mares Eat Oats and Does Eat Oats and Little Lambs Eat Ivy.”   I also loved reading to him and making up songs to go with the stories when he was a toddler.

In the pre-cell phone days car time was close to pure “us” time, too (yes, I had to pay attention to the road, but never had to compete for his attention with games or texting). We had some pretty good talks alone in that car, from those great little throwaway lines kids are capable of that just crack you up when he was little to more substantive talks as he grew older, and car time yielded secrets of his inner life.  And I’ll never forget the times I’d drive a car full of adolescent boys to the skating rink on a weekend night, the car so full of a mix of colognes that I’d have to open the sun roof to be able to breathe. 

When he was in college nearby, he’d come home on weekends to do his laundry. Though he was thoroughly engaged with his peers, popping in and out of the house, a mere “bye Mom” flying by my back as I sat reading in the living room or stood cooking in the kitchen, and he was not there to specifically see me, I still loved the simple fact of his fleeting presence.

Meanwhile, this year my “little guy” called me on Mother’s Day from Brussels where he’s in the Foreign Service.  One of his friends since elementary school had just been there for a visit and they’d traveled to three other countries in Europe.  These days our communication is by those phone calls and email (no, we haven’t been Skyping as we just can’t seem to get it to work, though it’s time to try again, I think). When he calls, the caller ID always comes up Unknown Caller, so I find myself having to answer all kinds of telemarketing calls I wouldn’t otherwise pick up on, but oh, any chance to talk to my boy! And I check in periodically on his Facebook page to get new pictures and see what he’s doing with his new colleagues in Brussels, or where he’s traveling to with the many friends he’s had to visit.

The nice thing about the phone calls and emails is they are intentional communication, where he’s specifically reaching out to me.  I miss my son and though I wax sentimental with memories at odd times, it’s the present connection that nourishes and sustains me the most. I love you, son!